The Antagonist.

-Okayy soo, as we all know, the celebs are on this major epidemic of this hair shavin' madness. Don't get me wrong, most of them don't look half bad, so Solange decides to do the "lowcut" hair also. Problem isss, her shxt looks HORRIBLE. Reminds me of a dirty tennis ball, as Mike Epps would sayy. & plus, her hairline isn't up to par. Tsk tsk, such a move of FAILure.

Lately, I've made excuses to avoid this site due to lacking something to blog about. I don't want to sour the mood in the " blogger's world", but the only thing worth noting is the death of my grandpa, may he rest in peace. I would mention Michael Jackson's death w. significance, but I'll leave that for the media & others. Although, the 12 people who commited suicide as aftermath of Michael's death went to the extremes, may they rest in peace. Now i ask myself, why haven't i yet seriously cried about my grandpa's death? I shed a few tears, but nothing major although i'm hurt deeplyy. Usually it's 2 - 3 days later when it hits me, but it's been a week & .. nothing, but reminiscence & confusion. I guess i fall in the category of the "silent grievers".


On another notation tho, music is my alternate sanity. I listen to all music, i'm a fan of lyrics mostly. I don't live up to the streotype of all black's only listen to rap, r&b, & hip hop. All rappers rap about swagg,their bling,their money & every "hoe" or "bitch" they have or had. R&b'ers sing about sex & .... love. Who doesn't love sex? & sex sells. Hip hop is dyin' slowly, it's only a few standin' & they're battlin' to keep it alive. I want to be hip hop's advocate, but I don't want the career. Makes sense? probably not, it was worth the attempt though. I've narrowed my music artist down for now, I've been listenin' to Trey Songz , Keri Hilson, Miguel & Billy Currington lately. On a particular note, these songs. Trey Songz - In The Middle ( sex ) , Keri Hilson - Make Love ( sex ), & Billy Currington - Don't ( love ), & i love all of Miguel's songs. They all fall in my recent categories i mentioned, music is kind of in a bubble. Artist in a particular genre don't usually don't usually step outside of a certain topic. Oh well, society is depending on Soulja Boy to reincarnate music, lmao. What a joke eh?.

So i was recently watching 10,000 BC & the guy, uh Nakudu, i think his name was made a comment that i thought was highly true. Anyway it went somethin' like ...

This is somethin' i wrote during 3rd hour like a week ago, boredom is the the golden gates to creativity.

Yu know how it's said that "the people yu surround yourself with tells alot about yu" ? , well i'm a bit baffled on it's credibility. I'm pretty intelligent myself & quiet most times. I can provide intelligent conversation if i'm with a crowd who can provide it back, but somehow i always end up with the loud mouth girl close by. I mean, yes - I conversate with her bechus she is quite humorous, yet she indulges in the term "ghetto". She admits that she is "ghetto" when she wants to be which seems as if it's ALL the time. Your typical society would assume I'm loud & craving attention due to her actions & my presence to her..but actually, my crowd of choice doesn't influence me at all.

Does your "crowd" make/influence your ways?

yoo , i finally made my way back around to blogspot . this blog is dedicated to updates & so forth . soo , i've jzt been ... attendin' school which is doomed because i'm not used to havin' trouble in a class & ahem , biology honors is a toughy. anyface , i've been lookin' for some nice kicks & i'm somewht disappointed until i came to these babies .i know i'm prolly tardy on their existence , but i've been slippin' on the shoe collection lately , but these are ultraa sweetttt !! movin' on ... if you're a faithful reader of my blogs , then yu know i'm highly irritatable & my current irritation is : gorgeous women & their attraction to ... lames . haa , shxt buggs' me majorly but oh well - it's beans . i have to go attend to some homework , tsk tsk . i'll be updatin' daily hopefully .

so yesterday ; she apologized for hurting me .
yes ; dhet's wht i wanted but shxt still doesnt feel right . maybe i'm jzt being stingy , but eh . now we're back on this " let's start over " again . this is the third time in counting .

eh , for now . it's good , we're friends & all - no true emotions are intact for her on my behalf , jzt that of a friend for the best , i wonder the outcome on this .

*ps : this is a somewhat continuing from a former blog labeled " & then wht " .

first & far most , i usually don't associate w. guys longer then 10 minutes ; phone wise , face to face wise , etc .

but unfortunately , that changed yesterday . i was having this conversation with this guy, jzt bechus he's madd cool and wht not . i mean , & it wasn't like one of those " man he's bugging me " type conversations, he is madd intelligent so it was pretty interesting . to the main point here tho, like we started discussing females & their preference mainly . most females , i did say most think the ideal type is the light - skinned , long haired , name brand wearing type , like the ones who are jzt the epitome of " sexy " , guys & " studs " since i'm including homosexual & bisexual women preference mostly too . so like, it got to that & the topic of most " gorgeous " women wouldn't give the one's outside of that " ideal person " the time of day . so like the guy & i are cuties , not like sexy and so on but we have personalities to die for , not all name brand shxt but not cheap shxt neither, but most girls would kind of look over us bechus the simple fact of we're not tip top " sexy " . i mean , we can pull those females , but only like after they've talked to us some & fell for our personality outside of their generalized looks .

this was random , but it " faced " my point . looks shouldn't dominate , although of course it still should be considered . like i wouldn't date an unattractive person simply bechus they have a nice personality bechus if i'm not attracted , wht's the use ?

slowing fading interest
& processing justifications .

i want to hate her , but i can't & i prolly shouldn't bechus wht she done isn't causing my hurt, it's just the catalyst of it . i tried to act as if i didn't care , i wanted that so bad - be carefree on the whole situation , but everytime when i take a minute to look at her page , think on past conversations between us - it hits me . i actually have to sit & remember , blah . i don't want to see her face , hear about her , let' alone speak to her occasionally but eh , i do for an odd reason . i guess i'm hoping one day , she'll ... just feel wht i'm feeling each day & shed one tear of the many i've shed , or maybe even an apology but then again , i'm jzt dhet , hoping bechus she has who she wants & i'm jzt teasing w . my own insecurities . letting go is easily said , & easily done w. the dying alarm of false caring , but i actually cared & unfortunately still do .

& still , i don't want to , so in the time that is to pass,

i'm simply trying .

Gemineye is pretty fckin dopee . this is jzt pure genius .

" & God kept filling me and it felt like he was killing me , & i closed my arm tight and God snapped it back open & screamed “ you’re not yet ready to write ” he said “ tonight has just begun everything’s alright my son , yu see i need you , i use poetry to teach people . the world i created has been overrun by ignorant thinking & i need poets to take the world back and break the curse . now unbend your arm so i can give you William Wordsworth ”& again the pen was shoved in my veins & God grabbed the reigns & as if I was a mule , he said “ i use you as my tool and plow the field with you, fulfilling empty minds’ needs while planting knowledge seeds . no longer will there be a flourishing time for malnourishing minds . i want you to make intelligence a law cuz ignorance is a crime "